Friday, May 9, 2008

The New Mothers Day

Photo taken on 9-29-08. We were in the hospital. Hudsyn had just been born and my Mom was in for a round of chemo. We hung out for most of my stay since we were just two floors away.
So it's almost Mothers Day. I don't know if any of you remember from last years almost Mothers Day post but it is not a favorite holiday of mine. It isn't because I don't want my mommy-hood celebrated. I love being a Mom. Even more so than dark chocolate. A few years back I had three miscarriages the last of the three was on Mothers Day. It was by far the worst of the three. This with the passing of time has gotten easier. It only sneaks into my mind every once in a while (actually the other day I realized that my Mom has now met our babies). But Mothers Day always stirs those memories. I can remember the sermon delivered that morning, what I wore, who I sat by. I can remember details more clearly about that single event in my life over any other. This year Mothers Day will be difficult on a whole new level. It is not only my first holiday since my Mothers passing but the very one that celebrates Mothers. My Dad is in Arizona and Chad will probably have to work. I will most likely have to sit in church without my family. That will be unbearably hard. We always went to church with my Mom on her day and Dad on his no matter where we attended. We have traditions for each occasion Mothers Day is a backyard BBQ and Fathers Day we eat on the patio at East Side Mario's. If you had told me last year that my Mom would have went down hill so quickly she wouldn't be here for this Mothers Day I would have called you a liar. The truth is I thought with my mind that she might die but my heart never believed that. She had so much faith that death didn't seem, to me, a real possibility. This year I will to go place flowers on her grave. A whole new tradition. I wish that wasn't the new tradition but it is. Honestly I haven't been to the cemetery since the day of her funeral. I have put it out of my mind. I don't even know where her site is. I will find it on Sunday. Somehow. Her marker is not up yet. I know she is buried in the Garden of Faith. A more appropriate place could never be found. My girlfriend Karen's Mom invited us over for dinner on Sunday. Which I really appreciate. We will be going over for dessert instead. I don't know how I will feel on Sunday, if I know me I will throw something in the crock pot before church, come home eat with the kids and take a nap while they nap. I will be taking all five of them by myself and that along with the emotions that are bound to come with the day will mean I will probably need a nap. In the evening the kids and I will rent movies and snuggle in our jammies on the couch. We will eat popcorn and candy. This year we will start our new Mothers Day (evening) tradition.


At May 10, 2008 at 10:08 AM , Blogger Trish said...

Dear Amber... Know that I am praying for you. Words are hard to find but rest in knowing that Mom is with your babies, her Grandbabies..they are happy and whole, celebrating with
If you go to the office at the Cemetery they will give you a little map and show you just where to find Mom's grave.
Enjoy your babies and Happy Mother's Day.
I love you!
p.s. Loved the was good to see Arlene's face.

At May 10, 2008 at 2:34 PM , Blogger Jada's Gigi said...

a very hard time this sorry...praying for you.

At May 10, 2008 at 2:41 PM , Blogger Amber Land said...

Thanks Trish, that is what I will do. I didn't know that. Thanks for the prayers guys.

At May 11, 2008 at 11:34 AM , Blogger Pat said...

What a precious picture. This is a new season for you...your turn to begin traditions and family love that will continue on.
I think of Arlene so much, what a gift her friendship was to me.
She and your Dad raised you so well, you have given her the perfect Mother's Day gift - the gift of being the Christian daughter, wife, and mother that you are.
Happy Mother's day, sweetie.

At May 11, 2008 at 12:23 PM , Anonymous donna said...

You were on my mind this morning when I awoke....praying for you and your day...many hugs

At May 12, 2008 at 12:57 AM , Blogger Gina said...

I wish I had the words. I can't know how you feel but I can pray for you. God's blessed you with four precious ones but I know it's still incredibly hard. Tomorrow is a new day. I hope it's a beautiful one.

At May 12, 2008 at 10:34 AM , Blogger If you can see what I see said...

oh babygurl my heart is breaking as I read this....I love you so much and I am praying for you each day...I am just a phone call away!!

At May 12, 2008 at 1:43 PM , Blogger Terry said...

Dear Amber...I was trying my hardest to get here and wish you a Happy Mothers Day and to offer a little encouragement to you that even though you miss your darling mom so much that you know that she is with the Lord and that she is happy!
Just to think that more than the sweet memory or her is living on.
She has left so many good things behind, like your great little family and even the prayer blog that Donna created in her memory.. and many of us who she was always encouraging. I will never forget that even though she was so ill, she used to visit my blog and tell me that she was praying for Dad Golden!
God continue to bless you dear Amber. and your whole family and your dad....Love Terry

Oh Happy Mothers Day!..a day late!

At May 14, 2008 at 12:16 AM , Blogger Barrywilburn said...

Amber, I am so sorry that I wasn't there for you on Mothers Day, I felt so bad that I hadn't noticed untill after I book the tickets fot this trip, that it was during Mothers Day. I wantyou to know that I am praying every day for you,Chad and the kids. Also know that God has not forgotten us during our lost, and that brighter day are still ahead for us. Please make sure you hold Fathers Day open so we can sit on the patio at East Side Mario's so Chad and I can have our Fathers Day dinner together. Remember that I love you very very much.

Love Dad

At May 16, 2008 at 3:16 PM , Blogger Margie said...

Amber, I thought of you on Mother's Day, I pray that the day wasn't too hard, I know (I KNOW!) it can be difficult to celebrate without a mother. I pray that God heals your heart and that only love remains.


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