The New Mothers Day

Photo taken on 9-29-08. We were in the hospital. Hudsyn had just been born and my Mom was in for a round of chemo. We hung out for most of my stay since we were just two floors away.

So it's almost Mothers Day. I don't know if any of you remember from last years almost Mothers Day post but it is not a favorite holiday of mine. It isn't because I don't want my mommy-hood celebrated. I love being a Mom. Even more so than dark chocolate. A few years back I had three miscarriages the last of the three was on Mothers Day. It was by far the worst of the three. This with the passing of time has gotten easier. It only sneaks into my mind every once in a while (actually the other day I realized that my Mom has now met our babies). But Mothers Day always stirs those memories. I can remember the sermon delivered that morning, what I wore, who I sat by. I can remember details more clearly about that single event in my life over any other. This year Mothers Day will be difficult on a whole new level. It is not only my first holiday since my Mothers passing but the very one that celebrates Mothers. My Dad is in Arizona and Chad will probably have to work. I will most likely have to sit in church without my family. That will be unbearably hard. We always went to church with my Mom on her day and Dad on his no matter where we attended. We have traditions for each occasion Mothers Day is a backyard BBQ and Fathers Day we eat on the patio at East Side Mario's. If you had told me last year that my Mom would have went down hill so quickly she wouldn't be here for this Mothers Day I would have called you a liar. The truth is I thought with my mind that she might die but my heart never believed that. She had so much faith that death didn't seem, to me, a real possibility. This year I will to go place flowers on her grave. A whole new tradition. I wish that wasn't the new tradition but it is. Honestly I haven't been to the cemetery since the day of her funeral. I have put it out of my mind. I don't even know where her site is. I will find it on Sunday. Somehow. Her marker is not up yet. I know she is buried in the Garden of Faith. A more appropriate place could never be found. My girlfriend Karen's Mom invited us over for dinner on Sunday. Which I really appreciate. We will be going over for dessert instead. I don't know how I will feel on Sunday, if I know me I will throw something in the crock pot before church, come home eat with the kids and take a nap while they nap. I will be taking all five of them by myself and that along with the emotions that are bound to come with the day will mean I will probably need a nap. In the evening the kids and I will rent movies and snuggle in our jammies on the couch. We will eat popcorn and candy. This year we will start our new Mothers Day (evening) tradition.