Unwavering Love

Psalms 86:13 For great is your love toward me... We all know how much I love my kids. They all have their own special traits. Kaitlynne is genuinely sweet - all the time. She loves her siblings, listens the first time (usually) and easily does well in school. She is always creative, scrap booking and crafting. She is just a pleasure to have for a daughter. Bella is the perfect baby. She never cries, even when I pinch her. She smiles on command. She is very tolerant; yelling kids, being poked in the eye. Always just responds with a smile. I am blessed to have her. Unless things really change I don't ever see her being anything but a joy. Tristin, well this is where it gets a little tricky. He is funny, loves his sisters and??? Okay so the rest is all mischievous curiosity. He ALWAYS tests us to see how far he can take something. Sneaks and gets into things when we think he is behaving, like the time we were unloading groceries and he went into the bathroom, shut the door and painted the entire bathroom with cornstarch. This was very funny to everyone, we couldn't be angry because we didn't ensure that he had something productive to do. We gave him a stern warning, sent him off to his room, went to the living room and laughed. This is nothing unusual. Tonight we were out and he insisted on taking off both of his shirts, claiming he was hot. I demanded he put at least one of them back on, wrestled with him a little and enjoyed the rest of our evening. Well that is until he decided to rough up his sister - the one who minutes before was his blest fliend (best friend). And then he, and then, and then. He is always pushing it. Always. If he doesn't want to do something you can bet it is going to be a huge battle. He is never going to win, but he makes us work for our authority. Yet after all this I tell him all day long he is special, amazing and we are blessed to have him for a son. If I could change anything about him, I wouldn't. I adore him. This has got me to thinking...I am positive that God gives us a special compassion for our difficult children. This then led me to think, if we are made in God’s perfect image then how much more he must love us. Good, bad, sweet, nasty, pure heart or hard heart. He loves us all the same. When I feel unworthy of his love, of the gift of his son I always remember Tristin. Even when I am more difficult than I should be or directly defiant God just wants me to submit to him. To come back and try to be better next time. I should be able to do this, it shouldn't be hard. Sometimes it is though. I have to constantly shift my perspective back to God being God and me being me. Imperfect, not always nice, harsh and abrupt. This is why I am Amber and not God. I am reminded of King David and his many failures and yet he is called a man after God's heart. God help me to follow you, to submit to you and to thank you for all the many lessons you teach me everyday. I love you.